2010 got off to a rocky start for me. I am in my 40's, divorced for 7 years and have had a string of unsuccessful relationships. I met someone who swore his undying love and loyalty. He ended up back in the arms of his wife. 'I scared away another one', thought I.
I am not nor have I been 'desperate'. I just went playing in someone else's back yard. It was the wrong thing to do. I have paid for my sins and mistakes in spades.. Just like I always have.
Being the type to not 'whine' about my own problems to others and incessantly make jokes about my own pain and at my own expense, I pretty much held my suffering at bay. When the world came to an end for me, even for those few days I was in an emotional hell, something happened outside myself I cannot begin to explain.
Those 'friends' that had been around on and off to say 'hi' from time to time from afar and through facebook seemed closer, became more available. I connected with an old friend who, oddly enough, was dealing with similar circumstances.
Although I openly and publicly announced my situation, as much for purposes of 'self-punishment' as punishment to my ex-lover, I hid my hurt and showed my mean and hard-ass side.
I kept my tears, sadness and depression very quiet, but there was something bigger and stranger at work.
One day I accepted a 'friend' on facebook. We had no friends in common and no seemingly similar interests, I did not recognize the name. We didn't seem travel in the same circles, talk about the same things. I had even thought maybe he was a spy sent by the enemy. No. I had seen through that before. He was far too educated and profound to even know my ex lover OR anyone in his family.
Early this morning as I was looking through the latest posts and hum-drum news, I read a private message from my inbox. In it this 'obscure friend' had expressed that he sensed I was troubled. 'Not really. Why do you say that?' was my response. He went on to explain that he was psychic and sensed that about me. He said my star was being dimmed by negative forces around me.. The unhappy people. He ended the explanation with these words:
You shine; They don't. Too bad for them.
My breath caught in my throat; I stared at my screen in disbelief. He told me truths about myself that I knew but never really articulated. At that moment I cried. Full and heavy drops like warm rain down my cheeks. It wasn't sadness, not grief, but a new hope that nobody will ever dim my star or take away my will to love and BE loved; To be divine.
That's what Angels are.
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